Posts from facebook

I went through facebook and deleted all the personal notes on there and have moved them to here.

April 9 Monday
2:07 am
Unfortunately, this is probably turning too much into a blog and I will probably try to move it to my google blogger journal once I figure out how. Don't worry though, I will still post the knowledge a week thing every week afterward. But just a self reflection about how much I've changed upon coming to college. I'm pretty sure that I'm not the girl who used to be able to go up in front of the room and debate with people on various topics in highschool and the girl who was the president, vice president, secretary of every club (like most people here). It's like I went through a 180 degrees transformation and totally reverted back to my reserved, shy, and indecisive inner person. Actually, this change probably took place a bit before I came to college. I have a pretty good suspicion that it is brought on either by chemical imbalance or 3 really traumatic events in my life.

kay, I think I'm going to move this over to my blog that I just set up now. perhaps I shouldn't be this explicit on facebook.


Raining
12:07am Tuesday, Apr 3

I think this wil be a very tragic note that might be not hopeful or cheerful at all...please don't read it if you don't feel like getting depressed...it's probably just one of my goth/emo days where I get quite a bit down...
so where do cruelty and evil come from? why are innocent children abducted in their beds and brain washed to fight a pointless war? why do friends betray each other? why do people kill in the name of religion? why do people still believe in wars? why are there still genocide?
slight theory that the drive for power and money is at the root...
the there are questions I ask myself...
why can't do anything to help? why don't have any special talents that I can contribute to the world? why am I not happy with myself?
I have no eloquent words to describe all of my emotions but I will try to put it into a poem:


"Is there hope?"
just a child,
sleeping soundly in bed
knocks on the door
dragged through the bush
brainwashed, innocence lost
kill or be killed
can't escape or wake up
living nightmare
gunshots in the night
hatred of differences
are we that different
aren't we all humans?
we can be convinced of war,
can we be convinced of peace?
bombs strapped to torso
on a mission of mercy?
lying for power, money and fame
is there no trace of shame?



"why can't I?"
be just like you
who seems to hold superior skills
knowing everything
admired by all
chaning the world
overflowing with confidence
full of social grace
while I'm hiding in a corner
always all alone
crying for the lost
amidst the crowd
the loneliness if more acute
like I'm looking in on the scene
through locked gates and glass
this is someone else's dream
to be on top of the ivy tower
among the best of the best
I want to change the world
lacking apparent skills and talent
if I can't even save myself
how can I save others?

yes, currently I'm drowning in my own sorrows, listening to eva and superchick etc and others...