the 101 blog

Apparently, after I imported this blog into facebook, I now have over 100 posts on my blog. I suppose I should celebrate as I promised myself that someday I would actually write regularly and live something for people to remember me by.

I do doubt whether this should be imported into facebook though. A lot of my tortured thoughts are in it. Likely currently I'm feeling really depressed because I still haven't been able to get my draft proposal done for my paper on the recent milk powder disaster in China finished. Or the fact that probably due to the lack of sleep, I feel just exhausted and missing China again. Something in me just wish that I could drop all of this and curl up with a book that I want to read and sleep as long as I want. Or that I could go back to when I was carefree....although it's a bit difficult to think back to a time like that, it always seems like I've been goal-oriented.

I just sincerely wish from my heart that I could be happy and hopeful. A cloud of darkness still surrounds my soul somehow and the only time it has seen light was when I was in China. I may perhaps have left my heart in China.

A look into a soul is a scary thing, tread lightly upon this blog.

myspace blog

You are currently importing notes from:
http://blog.myspace.com/blog/rss.cfm?friendID=64678169

Conflicts

Yep, I am actually turning to the Bible for blog posts now.

So today we were reading Colossians
Colossians 3
Rules for Christian Households
18Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
20Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
21Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

22Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. 23Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. 25Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for his wrong, and there is no favoritism.

Colossians 4
1Masters, provide your slaves with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have a Master in heaven.

I think this was one of the passages used in the antebellum period (before the American Civil War) by Christians to justify having slaves and it really made me sad. A friend explained to me that it was telling the slaves to endure and work for God instead. It just frustrates me that we're being told to endure and just live with all the evil in the world, I mean currently there are still human-trafficking (modern day slavery) going on and people don't seem to care. It


Romans 7:
14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

It seems that we do indeed have a dichotomy of a struggle between good and evil.

Too Idealistic?

So yes, I had a marathon of "Heroes" this weekend (all 23 episodes of season 1 and skipped around in season 2). So season 1 sort of lived up to expectations, I would have to say that the people I relate to the most would be the Petrelli brothers. I relate to Nathan because at one point he is told that he acts like he doesn't care because he cares too much and I can relate to Peter because he's a nurse and also able to love unconditionally. Though that might be a too biased view of myself (wait, how can we have an unbiased view of ourselves?)

Anyhow, I think I'm being idealistic of wanting the world being a better place. Like the old vanguards of the heroes group (with Lindeman, Petrelli and Kaito etc) it all turns into personal gains later and the world goes kaboom unless you had the skills to go back in time. Distrubingly, I realized what Lindeman said was true about how people usually united in grief/mourning/shock after devastating/unexpected disasters (9/11, Hurricane Katrina, Sichuan earthquake etc). This tendency for cohesiveness through suffereing is a rather interesting phenomenon.

I am probably too idealistic with my socialistic leanings of wanting a greater authority taking care of the people, perhaps that's one I'm so spiritual, I really wish that there was a greater authority watching over us. I want there to be justice and love in the world. I really liked how Charles in heroes said that it had to be Peter because in the end, love is all that matters and I liked what Peter said about at the end of our lives we realize that it is how many people we've touched in our lives that makes our lives great. Thus, when I die I hope it is going to be a big funeral. (I'm being morbid). That seems like a good place to end this post as any although I'm not sure it really was about idealism.

Heroes

Watching "Heroes" first season, you know that episode with Mr. Lindeman saying that people are usually united after tragedies.
Also in episode 23

Egomaniac or I-phila

I just realized that most of my posts begin with I.
Whether it is in the world like "interesting" or "it" perhaps I just happen to like that letter, or perhaps I am just an egomaniac.
Perhaps I am being too hard on myself. Anyhow, as for posting, I think I usually post things I would not post on facebook on here because somehow I feel that it is more private. So here's the plan, next year I think I will try to do some new things.
Such as:

Martial arts
Writing for the newspaper
Joining a frat
*lol* yep, it cracks me up too that I am attempting to do new things.
But first I should probably ask my adviser if I could go on the International Honors Program the spring of my Junior year. Or maybe it would be better to go during my senior year, though I don't know how that would work out.

Anyhow, my heart is pretty set on being a Nurse educator, ever after hearing that there is a dire need of them. Currently the nursing field suffers more from the lack of nurses who can teach others how to be nurses than from people who want to be nurses. In fact, it seems that the U.S. is in such a need that people from all over the world are being recruited, which seems awfully unfair to the developing nations that needs nurses themselves.

Well, I suppose I need to think of more than just self-reflections sometimes, but isn't that what a blog is suppose to be for? I could try to gather my thoughts on my idea about suffering. Hold on, let me put that into another more coherent note.

It is very hard being Linda sometimes

went to penn symphony orchestra last night, it was great hearing swan lake. I love the part with the harp solo. I really want to play on a harp someday :)

This was from yesterday:
So currently sitting here judging for debate and being kind of miserable. Don't get me wrong, I love debate to death but mostly I love it when I'm coaching and interacting with kids, the judging part kind of sucks, especially since I'm doing this for free. Also, its not as much as I don't like debate tournaments, it's just that I hate being ignored. My depression extends from there. Being an only child, I adore attention and hate it when I am left alone.
I actually do have other things to do, such as that history paper on west philly. What exact am I suppose to say about institutional building? I really don't have that much to say.
So anyhow, I was going to say that yesterday while I was writing my parents, I started crying. I think I'm get way too emotional lately. I was also being pretty egotistical so I wrote 1000 some words about myself when it only required 300-500 words. It is very hard being Linda sometimes.
Recently I also want to dance, play the piano and practice martial arts, things I haven't done in a long long time.
I seriously need to advertise for myself more. I am multi-talented, I know how to do all kinds of dance, folk, modern, Chinese traditional and belly dance. My mother enrolled me in dance since I was six years old. I can draw pretty decently as I taught myself since middle school. I'm also a very compassionate person, or else I would not have signed up to be in all those volunteer clubs. But then again, I can't get along with everyone. I also suffer from the blues. So it is really hard being me. I love how that went from good to bad.