It has been awhile

Yes, indeed, it has been awhile since my last post. It seems that I usually only post when I'm depressed or have some hidden anger towards someone or God or something of that nature.
So my summer was extremely uneventful, aside from reading the last book of Harry Potter, which I thought it was a bit strange. I mean especially the part about dying for others, why make Harry a martyr? Then him not dying, what does that sound like? Jesus maybe? Also, we all knew that Harry was going to end up with Lily and Ron with Hermione, (and probably Luna should be with Neville). But killing off one of the Weasley twins was just mean.
You know, I realize I'm a lot more candid when I'm anger/depressed, there should be a world where you're both angry and depressed, haven't run across it yet.
Yes, I see the impractically of being mad at God, but hey, I'm not perfect.
I mean, why burst my happy bubble yesterday? I totally did not like the way that Pastor Aaron explained Matthew 5:1-12. Oh we have to be dependent on God, kay, all right, and then, God will just break you "gently" Maybe to you, but God sure didn't break me "gently" but perhaps this is purely subjective. Then it was, people who are depressed are more close to God. Then I must have been very very close to God last year.
I guess it just made me feel mad that I've worked so hard to have a positive attitude this year at Penn and I've been doing so much better and then someone tells me that i should not be so happy? The world is telling us to be elbowing our way to the top, to have self-esteem and I've worked very hard to have a substantially higher self-esteem this year...then it feels like it is wrong for me to do so? I really didn't like how I was last year. I was depressed, emo, struggling, whatever words they categorize what I've went through last year.
At the start of the year, I was so happy that I would be involved with Perspectives, an organization that helps setting up debate team in Philly's urban schools. And also, coalition against hunger. Then also franklin community and my ABCS course (academically based community service) and I know exactly where I want to go. Health and societies, with no pre-med. It look me the whole summer to get over that horrible physics class. But all of sudden, after last night's sermon, I felt really de-energized. It is currently a pretty horrible day.